Warning: RANT RANT RANT. C: If you don't know me you can go ahead and delete this journal from your message box, it has no importance to you. ^^



Well if you're reading this, let me inform you that I will be sounding incredibly human and quite conceited. Now that's normally something I hate to do, but just let me get away with it for today.

I'm in pain, still... Like every other teenager in the world, I have anxiety... But unlike many teenagers in the world, I developed my anxiety in late grade three. (When my procrastination, defensive attitude, and excuses begun.) I just kind of bottled up my anxiety and stress for years, until things got so bad. I abusing myself so much, (with the help of the abuse from my fellow peers...) that I became suicidal in grade five. Don't ask me how this is possible, I just know that in grade five I didn't want to live any more. I didn't even know what suicide meant at the time, I just knew that I wanted to not exist. That's when my trips to the counselor begun! 8D Yaaay... .. .
Well it helped with the suicide thing, but not the angst. It kind of got worse, and you know anxiety attacks? You probably do if you've ever been a teenager.

It's that feeling in your chest and gut, like your guts are constantly turning or twisting and your chest is tight. It hurts and you feel like you want to scream, cry, laugh, and vomit all at once. Ooh that would feel so good right now. It also makes you feel like you're panicking or freaking out. It's not at all pleasant, it hurts. Well, I've had one loong constant anxiety attack. I've had it since around grade four or five, and it hasn't gone away. I wake up with it, and I fall asleep with it. For all those years. I've grown pretty used to it, but it still bothers me a lot.

Now you may be wondering, "Why the fuck is she telling me this like I should care or something?" well, I was actually hoping that the more I talk about this, the more advice I would get or the more comfortable with it I would be. Maybe if I talk about it more, it will go away at least a little? I'm not the only one in the world that's sad or anxious, but I'm one of the people who have it pretty bad and are too ignorant to know how to get rid of it. I brought this upon myself. I know I did. It's my own fault I have this pain, so you don't need to remind me.

There are a lot of other things I'd like to talk about, but maybe not right now. I'm a little distracted and I don't want to bore you any more. XD

Thanks for listening to my stupid-human-conceited rant! <3